We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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