I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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