I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
