everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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