Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you still have your period?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
