Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
