My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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