I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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