i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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