I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got inside last night via doggy door
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
