where am i from again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
