my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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