guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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