So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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