Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
