i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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