Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
