never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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