Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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