He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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