I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
