**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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