You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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