turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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