How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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