it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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