Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
