I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
