WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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