I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
