based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
