Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
