put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
