It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
