We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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