Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
