Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
