We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
