I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
