My room smells like vodka and shame
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
