we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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