id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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