I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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