You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
