Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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