Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
