He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
