Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
