If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
