i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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