It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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