I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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