would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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