I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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