Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
