apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"