Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.