come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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