i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude