She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.