"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to