I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.