I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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