hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
