She is in my trunk
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
