My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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