i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
