Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
