Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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