She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
