PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize